Still missing you.

Dear Thomas,
Who knew my feelings for you would evolve as they have. I thought it was a short-lived crush - one I maybe shouldn't have been allowed to have, yet rather harmless in reality. The flirtation was fun - we both knew it would never go anywhere - we are the type to follow the rules. The crush did fade, but friendship remained and respect grew, even without sustenance. And now, I feel a kinship that I haven't felt in awhile. It seems strange to use the word "love", yet I suspect it's that. I'm not sure whether to feel guilt, I don't - my feelings seem too pure for that - and that is truly satisfying.

Dear John,
One of my fondest memories from my entire life to date is of the day I graduated from college. It's not the cap and gown, the processional, nor the champagne that I remember most. It's the feeling I had that day when I woke up with you. When I look back to think of the times I've felt happiest in my life - that morning is the first thing that comes to mind. I can't explain what it was - other than a feeling of pure joy and contentment, a feeling of love for another person and love for life that I had never had before and that has rarely been matched since.

My dear John,
It's been many years since we've been in touch. I tried to keep up some sort of communication for so long, even if it was only an email once a year on your birthday. Though I was almost always the one to initiate communication, you always replied immediately. Perhaps it would have been less painful had you not.

I still miss you. I know that's wrong. We both moved on a long time ago. We've both committed ourselves to lives with others. There's still that little part of me, however, that never wanted to move on - that still, and always will, love you.

It took awhile, but I did finally resign myself to the fact that we would never be together again. When we originally parted ways, and over the next several years as I worked to get past my feelings for you, my one constant thought was that if I really loved you, I had to let you go. I always loved you enough to want your happiness above anything else, even if came at the price of my own. Hoping you've found contentment, joy and love in your life is my solace.

Love to you always.